紐約之四:萊辛頓大道

But you don’t know where to begin
‘Cause you’ve spent a lifetime fitting in
Only to wind out on the other side

Or maybe we should take a ride
Through the night
And sing along to every song
That’s on the radio…

– Ed Sheeran’s “New York” from Album x, 2014


Lexington Avenue

人類文明是整個宇宙裡最先進也最落後的一件事情。我們創造,同時也破壞,是一種很霸道的美,在紐約,不過分多,也不過分少,恰恰好到正好飽和的程度,讓人有點想脫離卻又忍不住充滿仰慕。

我逃跑的路線是一場集散成冊。在第一次跌倒的時候,我怪罪是對方的問題,但是等到第二次、第三次時,才意識到,也許和別人無關,是自己的體質,一次次墜落。

以毒攻毒。我誤食了一帖劑量過高的藥,更暈眩、更迷幻,甚至滅了那場久久不退的高燒,整個人飄飄欲仙,幾乎奔月。終於,終於不用再歹戲拖棚地在地面上折騰了,終於可以不用被身體困住了,終於不用再失望了。我發現自己已經不忍直視那個高燒退去後殘存的樣貌了,只得尷尬又倔強得別過臉去,卻還捨不得乾脆地走開、捨不得直接扔棄,因為能感覺到還殘留著一點的餘溫,安安靜靜的,而那樣的溫度源自於心裡對這段回憶的珍惜。

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